It scares me to know that I do not know what the future is for me and for my loved ones. Sometimes I think that’s exciting and then I quickly fall back into being nervous. Honestly I do not need anyone to scare me because I do that to myself so much and even that frightens me.
We were born and our parents took care of everything for us. Dressing us, feeding us, bringing us around, enroling us into schools etc. All this time we are growing up but somehow decisions are being made for us – nursery to kindergarten to primary school to secondary and that’s when things get tricky. Life was so much easier when everything was laid out for us. The first realisation hit me when it was time for me to decide what I wanted to study further or major in. I had no clue. So naturally I looked at my O’level results to see which subject I did well in and my family chipped in and I chose a Science course. Bad.
All things said and done, I got out of it pretty well surprisingly. But I wanted to pursue something that I am truly passionate about. Local universities weren’t too keen on taking a Science student into their Arts courses but offered their Science ones instead. I politely declined. With my family’s thoughts, I decided to work for a bit and that was definitely one of the best decisions that I made. After a bit I wanted to go back to studying. This was all my choice and my family supported me.
Here I am. I made it to my third year and the next chapter scares me as usual. My family is very protective of me. I am so so so grateful and blessed. They look out for me so much and I want to make them proud. But I am mindful that I need to make myself feel good too. It’s a battle but it’s a worthwhile cause. I’m rambling but with this post, all I’m saying is that somehow we are given this baton where we start making decisions for ourselves. There’s so much power in it and it’s easy to abuse it. I have and I’m glad I got out of it pretty quickly.
The unknown is frightening but at the same time it’s so rewarding when you get there.